Nanda Jurela
1 min readJul 2, 2023

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Thanks for writing about the topic, Unbecoming.

I dodged a bullet a few years ago. This spring, I was going to clean out the numbers I had blocked on Whatsapp, and I discovered a face of someone I did not recognize. It dawned on me that that was the paramour of a former suitor who was adamant that he was not gay. He did his best to make me look "mean" and "crazy", after I suggested that he was not heterosexual. At least not in my perception of him.

(To him, I was "mean" and offensive and blah blah blah, because he was in the closet.)

I was correct. I can not verbalize how I grasped the truth about him - before a serious relationship developed between us -, but I could tell that he was not straight. He was ultra-masculine in demeanor. There were no obvious signs about his orientation. But I am observant. I figure out what makes a person tick. Not right away, of course, but after I spend some time with them.

One thing I can say about him: great taste. The guy in the photo looks snazzy, and he liked me, too, though in a different way. I say that not to be a comedian in a situation that causes confusion, damage to self-esteem and grief to spouses who internalize behaviour that has nothing to do with them and hang on for years, but with admiration - he knows who to pick.

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Nanda Jurela

Writer. Poet. Holistic healing facilitator. Gardener. Entrepreneur. Water activist. Gaia lover. Music lover. Exploring zero waste. https://nandajurela.com/