I guess the most shattering thing is that narcissists are so credible at selling the promise of marriage or of a genuine partnership and can adapt so keenly to the longings of their targets. If they could just find partners like themselves, state beforehand that they have no history of keeping their promises to anyone, what exactly they want, how they perceive their fellow human beings, the non-narcissistic person could choose how to engage and have a clue about what to expect from a narcissist.

Without previous exposure to narcissists, one can not even notice their lack of empathy, their inability to be happy for others, their inability to approve of non-narcissists. Narcissists only admire and endorse other narcissists , who are more developed in their narcissism, wealthier, more powerful, more cunning, more successful at manipulating the “team” around them.

The one red flag that they often can not hide is a certain emotional flatness when asked about the people who have remained in their lives, for example, their parents, siblings, maybe an ex they co-parent with, even their children, or their “helpers” (adoring flying monkeys, the harem, the groupies, the “secretary”).

While not everyone who sounds fatigued by their inner circle, or hastily moves a conversation to a “more pleasant” topic, is a narcissist, the behaviour itself early on in the communication can point to a personality disorder or something dark, like narcissism.

All narcissists that I have met were unable to differentiate the people that were in their lives. The exes all sounded like the same person, not like individuals with unique personalities and preferences; the parents, the steady people, the caring people in their lives were perceived as “forces” interfering with their freedoms, their greatness.. Because those relationships are always with the one person, the narcissist, and he (or she) has that limited emotional spectrum and limited insight into others, and, as a rule, won’t ever do anything for another person, especially not when they are in need.

Thank you for bringing more attention and light to the vital topic of self-trust, boundaries and self-care around narcissists.

🙏