— dedicated to Maya Angelou’s insight “when they show you who they are, believe them” and to Marlon Brando’s facial expressions in The Godfather —
Years ago, in a different neighbourhood, a grumpy cat caught my attention. He did not bother anyone. In fact, he avoided being approached by sitting far away from the action, but he observed everything from a safe distance.
The neighbourhood kids did not leave him alone. Even I found him so attractive that I often contorted my body, so that I could pet him. He let it happen for a few seconds. Then he’d start scratching with his long claws… to let you know that he wasn’t there for anyone’s entertainment… and that you’d better leave now.
His hiss was so comical that children and I went to him regularly, perhaps hoping that he would soften or purr once in a while. I don’t know — the hiss alone was worth the effort.
One day I woke up to the realization of what this cat was teaching me:
In relationships, we get plenty of signs of security seeking and distancing, “I can’t be there for you”-s, “don’t expect anything, but since you are here, look at me!”
So our eyes play a trick on the mind. Through this trick, we mistake what our eyes see and want to see for knowing the other and for companionship. The fact that someone is in the same space, giving us the eye, oh those beautiful eyes that might be hiding the sullenest thoughts (ha ha!), and entrancing, inviting us to admire him, but only from afar, please. — Does that sound familiar? And like the cat who could not and would not take responsibility for any interactions with those crazy humans, even got prickly when anyone got too close to him, that personality exists in humans, too. Most of the time, they are not even shy to admit it.
To make it short: there are cats out there who are capable of relating. If you are projecting the same hopes on those who show you who they are, you need to look within and solve the pattern — if indeed you want to be loved and your idea of love is a two-way street.
25 January 2023
#relationshipsatisfaction #compatibility #reciprocity #emotionalhonesty #healingfromtrauma #limerence #clarity #readthewritingonthewall #choosebetter #emotionalinvestment #nunchi #balance #redflags #greenflags