Ecological Intelligence Is Intimacy Intelligence
On Living In Harmony With a Diverse World and Choosing What Is For You In It
Plants react to other plants by supporting and fostering their growth or by competing and impeding their growth; animals relate to other animals by forming mutually beneficial bonds or by going out of each other’s way. You can conclude that prey is anxious around predators, while predators, knowing their advantage, observe their prey; but predator and prey are never exactly friends, living in each other’s areas of retreat and rest.
So don’t feel funny about having preferences in people and that you can never truly relax or get cozy with certain personalities; that is not a deficit on your part, not a challenge to overcome; it is your ecological intelligence signalling you with whom you can have satisfying, resonant relationships and who you’d better leave to have their life lessons without you in the picture.
As in nature, there is a huge grey zone of people with whom you can coexist, who neither delight nor unsettle you, and whose interest in living a happy existence you can respect and make your own interest. It is here, in the big grey zone, and from the people in the big grey zone, that you can learn the most from and with whom you can grow your ability to be, bring and experience peace.
As in nature, you will cross paths with people with whom you won’t find peace and you are not meant to find peace with. Non-verbally, you have already gathered enough information (for example, a stirring, unspeakable and wretched sense of “This person will devastate me… if I walk into their traps”), and instead of giving into curiosity about why you may be feeling that, — you will get your answer, believe me, if you stay in safe distance, without having to live through the harm that you have correctly picked up — , respect your ecological intelligence for sending you a warning that this is not the person you are meant to connect with or study. Let them be. For someone else, they will be harmless and a good fit.
For the highest quality of life, surround yourself with people who delight you. They may not be identical to you, but so well-matched that your best will shine in their company. Imagine a band where every instrument is unique and together they make a sound that is rich and full. A single instrument can not express that sound. Such music is what it is like to be with people who delight you.
Most often, however, well-matched people tend to be a lot like you: since we all laugh at humour that appeals to us and that resembles what we already fabricate in our mind, or would — if we could choose to be funnier! Being able to find a mirror in other people is reassuring and healing and makes life feel lovelier.
The world is big enough for everyone. You don’t have to go out fighting enemies. Let them live as they want to. Just keep your distance, and keep your boundaries intact. Enemies are not as interesting as what you do with your time; they are just people who have chosen other values than you and who did not ask for your attention.
Use your resources and the lifetime that you have constructively: to build what you want, to support those who appreciate your presence and unrepeatable individuality, and to love.
It is not the first time that you have heard that, of course. It is good to hear a reminder from time to time to regroup and to turn towards what is meaningful.
9 July 2022
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