Around Conflict Addicts

Nanda Jurela
2 min readJul 2, 2023

“Who are these people whose admiration you seek? Aren’t they the ones you are used to describing as mad? What then? Do you wish to be admired by the mad?”

– Epictetus

“Pay attention to your own gut when you’re in someone’s presence, or when you think about them.”

– Bill Eddy

Illustration by Depositphotos

Vitriol and dismissive sarcasm are not indicators of clear thinking, of good thinking, of intellectual thinking. People who employ vitriol and sarcasm are not intellectuals or sharp thinkers. What they are is anti-social. Anti-social in the vernacular interpretation of being antagonistic to their community and to basic social expectations, or anti-social as possibly personality disordered.

Our cultures have forgotten that in order to be a good thinker, or smart, you don’t have to excel in arguments or in the contempt of people who are less smart.

What you have to show instead is that you can learn and apply what you have learned.

One can say that when you trust your observations and conclusions, you have a magnetic confidence that is not loud.

If indeed you understand that you are in the better position — you are objectively more competent; you are better educated (about the topic); you have the better future; you are the smarter person by what you have shown about your discernment and intellect — , accept that you do not “have to” take the bait and quarrel with a person worse off than you.

Become aware of your triggers. Feel what you have to feel. Ask yourself whether the other person is making a point or trying to open your mind to something. When you have done that, give yourself enough time to form a clear thought. Assert it with composure. Deliver it in a way that it does not stir up new arguments.

The other person might understand much later what you were communicating. Or not. Usually they do — if they are intelligent, too.

Do not argue about who has the bigger vision when you have the bigger vision. Put yourself behind your vision, though.

4 April 2021

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Nanda Jurela

Writer. Poet. Holistic healing facilitator. Gardener. Entrepreneur. Water activist. Gaia lover. Music lover. Exploring zero waste. https://nandajurela.com/